9 Peeves that Dogs have about Humans

1. Blaming your "nasty gas" on me. Not Funny. Not funny at all!!!!

2. Yelling at me for barking. I AM A DOG, YOU IDIOT!

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly WHOSE walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop It!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you KNOW why we chew up your stuff when you're not home.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog, Woo-Hoo! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain!

7. Taking me to the vet for "The Big Snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello??? Haven't you noticed the fur?

Now lay off me on some of these things, we both know who's boss here!! You don't see me picking up your poop, do you?

"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson

  You want me to do what?!?

Hey man, we're with you. We wouldn't sniff 'em either!

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

• Eat less.

• Don't ask for money all the time.

• Are easier to train.

• Usually come when called.

• Never drive your car.

• Don't hang out with drug-using friends.

• Don't smoke or drink.

• Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions.

• Don't wear your clothes.

• Don't need a gazillion dollars for college.

• If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Top Ten Reasons to Breed Your Dog ...

10. Thought the house was too orderly.
9.   Never did like having a full nights sleep.
8.   Wanted my vet to get a new BMW.
7.   Thought the furniture looked too nice.
6.   Love the sound of puppies in the morning,
      afternoon, evening, midnight, pre-dawn, etc.
5.   Garden and backyard needed renovations and
      didn't want to pay a gardener.
4.   Neighbors didn't complain enough.
3.   Kids weren't enough of a challenge.
2.   If you can train & show one dog, why not ten?
1.   Wanted to see if spouse really meant those vows.

"Dogs Welcome"

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.

He wrote: I would very much like to bring my dog with me.
He is well-groomed and very well behaved.Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who wrote:

"I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here too."

Back                 Forward